A sermon preached at Kowloon Union Church on Labour Sunday 9 May 2021, Sixth Sunday of Easter, by Dr. Hope S. Antone. The scripture reading that day was John 15:9-17.
“You are my friends if you do what I command you (vs. 14).”
Somehow this verse reminds me of a statement I overheard from a little girl at a playground in Richmond, Virginia: “You are my friend if you do what I say, so now you are not my friend anymore.” The little girl then turned to play with another child. As a mother watching my small children at the playground on a seminary campus, I couldn’t help but wonder how a little girl could say that to her friend. What struck me about her statement was the conditionality implied in her understanding of the word, “friend.” For failing to meet the condition she had set, someone ceased to be her friend. Is friendship really conditional?
Although I am not an avid Facebook user, I sometimes get requests to be a friend from people I hardly know or haven’t met. Facebook enables us to have more friends as long as we are willing to allow ourselves to read each other’s posts. But in traditional friendship, reciprocity is foundational to a relationship of trust, respect and love for each other. Traditional friendship is something that evolves over time – unlike the slight touch of an accept button on Facebook. In traditional friendship, the people evolve from mere acquaintances to friends who know more about the other, share things in common, and affirm or confirm, “You are my friend” or “S/he is my friend.”
“You are my friends if you do what I command you.” Fortunately, this statement from Jesus does not carry a note of rejection of those being addressed. Read within the larger context of the passage, the verse is part of Jesus’ farewell discourse to his close followers, before his impending arrest. He had been a Rabbi or Teacher to them. He called/chose them to be his disciples. He taught them, in word and deed, God’s love and will for fullness of life for everyone. “You are my friends if you do what I command you.”
What is it that Jesus had commanded his disciples? Verses 12-13 state: “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
According to scholars, friendship was a key social relationship in the ancient Greek and Roman cultures in which the early church grew and the New Testament documents were written. Interestingly the Greek word for friend is philos, which comes from one of the most common verbs for ‘love’ in Greek, which is phileo. Thus, in the New Testament, a friend is understood as ‘one who loves.’
Jesus’ notion of a “greater love”, shown in laying down one’s life for one’s friends, might be easily understood as his literal death on the cross. But it should be remembered that it also reflected a well-known ideal for friendship in ancient time – i.e., looking to the interest of the other for the sake of the common and greater good. Some writings by classical philosophers would attest to this. Aristotle wrote: “…the virtuous man’s conduct is often guided by the interests of his friends and of his country, and that he will if necessary lay down his life in their behalf.” Similarly, Plato wrote, “Only those who love wish to die for others.”
In today’s context, it may be difficult to find this “greater love” being lived out literally. Although during this Covid-19 pandemic, we do read some extraordinary stories about the selflessness of medical workers who put their lives on the line by being at the frontlines to attend to the sick. Normally, however, especially before the pandemic, we celebrated friendship through eating and drinking together, taking holidays together, or simply being there for a friend in need. These are things that have come to be known as the old normal during this pandemic. Perhaps, before the National Security Law enactment, there were people who tried to live out the “greater love” for the common good, putting their lives on the line for the sake of this beloved city. And we know that there are consequences of living out that “greater love” for the sake of the common good.
I think the literal laying down of one’s life is not something to be made as a goal so that one would work towards reaching it. In the case of Jesus, it was a consequence of his actions for the fullness of life for all, but which was regarded as a threat to the status quo by the powers that be.
Another aspect about friendship in ancient times can be gleaned from the philosophers’ advice about the manner of speaking among so-called friends in a patron-client relationship, as in the case of the “friend of the emperor” or of someone powerful. Some Hellenistic philosophers wrote, “Frankness of speech … is the language of friendship … (while) that lack of frankness is unfriendly and ignoble.” Interestingly, for the ancient philosopher, the opposite of frank speech was flattery, which was used to further one’s own interests rather than the common good.
Perhaps, Jesus was alluding to a similar patron-client relationship of master and slave, when he said: “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father (vs 15).” If so, he is making a shift in the power dynamics – from that between servants/slaves and master to that of friends.
But in this farewell discourse to his disciples, Jesus declared that the master-slave relationship is now replaced with the relationship of friends: “I do not call you servants any longer; I have called you friends.” What used to be a relationship under the law, where the servant could be coerced to serve against their will, is now replaced with a relationship abiding in God’s love, among friends who deeply know each other and freely serve one another.
The notion of friendship is a powerful challenge to the earlier concept of being servants of God, or servants of the Lord. All along, the disciples must have understood Jesus’ teachings in word and deed as demonstration of servanthood and servant leadership. But now, at these final moments with them before his arrest, he is saying that he is no longer calling them “Servants” but “Friends.”
I would like to share some quotes from an article by Gail R. O’Day titled, “I have called you friends”:
“Not many of us will find ourselves in a situation where we are asked to lay down our lives as an expression of friendship and an act of love. But that does not mean that we are exempt from Jesus’ commandment to love as he loved…
“To keep Jesus’ commandment is to enact his love in our lives… If we take Jesus’ commandment to love seriously, and if we long to be called “friend” by Jesus, then the Christian vocation is to give love freely and generously without counting the cost and without wondering and worrying about who is on the receiving end of our limitless love. Because this, too, is how Jesus loved.”
“You are my friends if you do what I command you.” “I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another (vs 17).” There is conditionality in friendship. But for Jesus, the condition is to love one another unconditionally. It is a love that is not self-serving; it is a love for the common and greater good.
For Jesus, friendship is the ultimate relationship with God and one another. But it is not enough to keep on looking to Jesus as the faithful Friend we can ever have, who is always ready to do something for us – to comfort us in our sorrows, walk beside us in our fears, and hear our prayers for help. By calling his disciples, “Friends” (and we do claim to be among the disciples of today), Jesus is now saying to us: “It is your turn to be my friends… to do the things that I have been doing… and to do even more…” (John 14:12, paraphrased by me).
May God help us as we strive to respond to such a call. Amen.
# posted by Kowloon Union Church : Sunday, May 09, 2021
